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One Liners That I can’t get out of my Sick Mind…

One Liners That I can’t get out of my Sick Mind

1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

2. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

3. Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

4. Deja Moo. The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

5. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they’re ok, you’re it.

6. Nothing in the universe travels faster than a bad check.

7. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

8. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

9. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

I Was Just Wondering…

I Was Just Wondering…

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If a person is a vegetarian, does he eat animal crackers?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they get Teflon to stick to the pans?

If your car is traveling at the speed of light and you turned on your headlights, would they work?

Why does one have a pair of panties but only one bra?

Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address, you turn the radio down?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats, instead of parachutes.

What do you have if you have 100 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?.

Top 10 Reasons Why Sleep is Better Than Sex

Top 10 Reasons Why Sleep is Better Than Sex

1. You don’t feel guilty about doing it alone.

2. No on will start rumors about how much you sleep.

3. You never have to complain in the morning about not getting any.

4. You don’t have to pay for it.

5. You don’t have to worry about falling asleep to fast

6. You can sleep 8 hours without being interrupted.

7. While sleeping, you can sleep with anyone you want.

8. You can sleep in church

9. The dog never complains.

10. Any position you wish to try is legal.

Another Funny News!!!!

Online gamer murdered over cyber-sword sale

A Shanghai online gamer murdered a competitor by stabbing him to death because he had sold his friends cyber-sword.

41-year-old Qiu Chengwei, stabbed competitor Zhu Caoyuan repeatedly in the chest after he was told Zhu had sold his “dragon sabre”.

A “dragon sabre” is one of the assets you can win in the popular online game Legend of Mir 3. Legend of Mir 3 features heroes and villains, sorcerers and warriors, who often have huge swords to fight with.

Qiu and a friend jointly won their weapon last February. They lent it to Zhu, who in turn sold it for $1129, without telling his friends.

Qui reported Zhu to the police, but was told the virtual weapon was not real property protected by law.

The court was told: “Zhu promised to hand over the cash but an angry Qui lost patience and attacked Zhu at his home, stabbing him in the left chest with great force and killing him.”

This is not the first time a gamer seeks justice through the courts over stolen weapons and credits.

“The armour and swords in games should be deemed as private property as players have to spend money and time for them,” Wang Zongyu, an associate law professor at Beijing’s Renmin University of China said.

A Love story for the Love day!

A love so strong

When I was just 4 years old, I started school, along with other children I didn’t know. It was scary on the first day, but it got better as the days went by. There was a boy in my class who I straight away loved! I was only 4 years old and I had found the one i wanted to be with forever! I had kept my crush on him a secret, as I didn’t want him to find out. Dady after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, I had this one big crush on him! I don’t know why he was this attractive, whenever I looked into his eyes I saw love.

Then when I was about 10 years old, my friends started to fancy him. They told me about how much they loved him, but they didn’t know I had a crush on him since I was four, this crush was still a secret. Then at the end of Year 6 (the last year at primary school) it was time to decide what Secondary School we wanted to attend. Four schools had accepted me, and my crush was going to goto one of them. I begged and begged my mum to goto that school, and finally, I did. The frist day of Secondary School was also scaryer as the first day of Primary. I didn’t know anyone except for my crush, two of his mates, and only one of mine. I started to make friends quickly, and then me and my crush got put into two different classes! I couldn’t believe this! I weren’t in the same class as him! I guess it was a sign of moving on, because this relationship wasn’t getting us anywhere. I began to see less of him, and more boys started to take his place.

At first I thought I wasn’t doing the right thing by trying to forget him, but I knew it was for the best. I then started going out with them other boys, and hardely ever spoke to the boy I had loved since I was 4. Now I am still in that situation, when I hardely see him, and i’m fancying other boys. But whenever I walk passed him, look at him, think of him, I remember the times when I used to love him. He was my first love, and, although we are apart, we are together in my memory of 7 years of loving him, and we are together in my heart.

A Really Funny News

Sex toy closes airport

A vibrating sex toy was mistaken for a bomb. The entire Mackay Airport in Queensland was closed down for nearly an hour because of it.

The alarm was raised by cafeteria manager Lynne Bryant, whose staff was cleaning the tables when they noticed a strange humming noise coming from a rubbish bin.

Lynne Bryant said: “It was rather disconcerning when the rubbish bin started humming furiously. We called security and the next minute everybody was being evacuated while they checked it out.”

The police spokeswoman said: “Another two flights were expected to land at that stage but alternate arrangements were made for the passengers to collect their luggage away from the terminal,” the spokeswoman said.

While the police was calling in bomb experts, a passenger came forwards to identify the contents of the package. The unidentified passenger forgot his bag after diner.

Because You Can

Because You Can
by the Phoenix with the Broken Wings

Like a gun,
Use me,
To kill and steal,
And do your dirty work,
Use my ears to hear you yell,
Shut my mouth,
Fall to hell,
Fuck me
Kill my mind,
Lecture my ways,
Mould me into a flawless being,
Shape me into what you want,
Create my persona,
Make me perfect,
Pull my strings,
Control my moves,
Use me,
Control me,
Kill me,
Relive the past,
Use my memory,
Make me the person,
You always wanted to be,
Make me beg,
That mercy you never had,
Kill my soul,
Kill me,
Why?
Because you can…

Love Poem for Valentine’s Day

I Love You
by Angel Baby

I never really knew you
You were just another friend
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.
I couldn’t help past memories
that would only make me cry
I had to forget my first love
and give love another try
So I’ve fallen in love with you
and I’ll never let you go
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know
And if you ever wonder why
I don’t know what I’ll say
But I’ll never stop loving you
each and every day
My feelings for you will never change
Just know my feelings are true
Just remember one thing
I Love You!

A few Amazing Bird Facts

A few Amazing Bird Facts

Owls swallow their prey whole because they have no teeth. After approximately 12 hours they cough up the feathers, bones, and fur in a shape of a football pellet.

Parrots cannot eat chocolate because it is poisonous to their body.

Pigeons can see ultraviolet lights.

Pound for pound, an eagle’s wing is stronger than the wing of an airplane.

Some birds have been know to put ants into their feathers because the ants squirt formic acid, which kills parasites.

Storks were a symbol of fertility in Europe and were considered to bring good luck.

There is a species of bird, Antpitta avis canis Ridgley, that barks like a dog. new

A Siberian Red Crane bird is the world’s oldest known bird. The bird died in 1988 and lived to be 82 years old.

My love quote for this day!

Where there is love there is life.

- Mohandas Gandhi