THINK YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY…. check it out these actual cases.
May 10, 2006 on 8:38 am | In Surfers Voice, Jokes, Narratives | 1 CommentTHINK YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY…. check it out these actual cases.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba
tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed.
One-liners worth passing on…
May 3, 2006 on 8:20 am | In Surfers Voice, Jokes | 1 CommentOne-liners worth passing on…
Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.
In two words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. SHIT HAPPENS!.
Accept than some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
The best vitamin for making friends: B1.
If you can’t be the tablecloth, don’t be the dishrag.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
I’m not just a gardener, I’m a Plant Manager.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
There are two rules for ultimate success in life: (1) Never tell everything you know.
Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
There’s no real need to do housework — after four years it doesn’t get any worse.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
You’ll never be the man your mother was!
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Don’t hate yourself in the morning — sleep till noon.
Good news is just life’s way of keeping you off balance.
Don’t cook tonight — starve a rat today!
God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.