THINK YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY…. check it out these actual cases.
May 10, 2006 on 8:38 am | In Surfers Voice, Jokes, Narratives | 1 CommentTHINK YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DAY…. check it out these actual cases.
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba
tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed.
Some lessons learned in life
April 26, 2006 on 12:53 pm | In Surfers Voice, Jokes, Narratives | 1 CommentSome lessons learned in life:
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings”.
There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness”.
People who want to share their religious veiws with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
You should not confuse your career with your life, because if you have a career that probably means you have no life.
No matter what happens… somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Never lick a steak knife.
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
March 31, 2006 on 11:54 am | In Surfers Voice, Narratives | 1 CommentYOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
This is pretty neat.
DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read …
Be sure you don’t read the bottom until you’ve worked
it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it’s
fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week
that! you would
like
to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 — I’ll wait while you get
the calculator.
5. If you have already had your birthday this year
add 1756 …
If you haven’t, add 1755.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were
born.
You should have a three digit number.
The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each
week).
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2006) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO
SPREAD IT AROUND
WHILE
IT LASTS
Check this out GUYS!!!
March 29, 2006 on 1:36 pm | In Surfers Voice, Narratives | 5 CommentsI only know of one couple that fits to a ‘t’ and they’ve been married over
70 years… gives the rest of us a challenge..doesn’t it?
Each year he sent her roses,
and the note would always say,
I love you even more this year,
than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow,
with every passing year.”
She knew this was the last time
that the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses
in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know,
that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early,
way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy,
everything would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems and
placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside
the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours,
In her husband’s favorite chair.
While staring at his picture,
and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was
to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude,
that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour,
as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there
were roses sitting by her door.
She brought the roses in,
and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone,
to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she asked him,
if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her,
causing her such pain?
“I know your husband passed away,
more than a year ago,”
The owner said, “I knew you’d call,
and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today,
were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead,
he left nothing to chance.
There is a standing order,
that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance,
you’ll get them every year.
There also is another thing,
that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card…
he did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out
that he’s no longer here,
that’s the card that should be sent
to you the following year.”
She thanked him and hung up the phone,
her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached
To get the card.
Inside the card, she saw that
he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence,
this is what he wrote…
“Hello my love, I know it’s been a year
since I’ve been gone.
I hope it hasn’t been too hard
for you to overcome.
I know it must be lonely,
and the pain is very real.
Or if it was the other way,
I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything
so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say,
you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover,
you fulfilled my every need.
I know it’s only been a year,
but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy,
even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses
will be sent to you for years.
When you get these roses,
think of all the happiness,
That we had together,
and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you
and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on,
you have some living still.
Please…try to find happiness,
while living out your days.
I know it is not easy,
but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year,
and they will only stop,
When your door’s not answered,
when the florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day,
in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit,
he will know without a doubt
To take the roses to the place,
where I’ve instructed him.
and place the roses where we are,
together once again.
Sometimes in life,
you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can’t stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is
an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.
This is Forever Friendship. This is the sacred RED ROSE.
You MUST pass this rose on to at least 5 people
within the hour of receiving this rose.
After you do, make a wish. If you have passed it on, your wish will come
true and love will come your way shortly. If not your life will stay the
same as it has always been. Just be nice and pass it on. May we all be
loved so much.
Friend If I don’t get this back I can take a hint!
How many people actually have 8 true friends?
Hardly anyone I know!
But some of us have all right friends and good
friends!!!
You have been Tagged by the YELLOW bird! Which means you are a great friend!!
You will Have Good Luck For Two Years if you send this to 8 people or more
and if this is sent back to you then you know that you are a true
friend…!
Your relationships are the legacy you leave to the world.
HEADLINE NEWS: Superman and Batman ‘More than Just Friends?’ Their Intimate Relationship Revealed! — A story by Lois Lane, your intrepid reporter for the Daily Planet
March 6, 2006 on 12:47 pm | In Surfers Voice, Jokes, Narratives | 1 CommentHEADLINE NEWS: Superman and Batman ‘More than Just Friends?’ Their Intimate Relationship Revealed! — A story by Lois Lane, your intrepid reporter for the Daily Planet
Citizens of the superhero and crimefighter universe were thrown into chaos when security surveillance cameras at the Justice League Watchtower caught a very intimate moment between two of the World’s Finest, Batman and Superman, just after the Justice League came home from Apokalipse battling the forces of Darksied.
“We always knew Superman and Batman held private conferences post missions but we never thought… Oh man, I think I need a few drinks…” John Stewart, member of the Green Lantern Corps and one of the founding members of the Justice League said during an interview.
Jonn Jonz aka Martian Manhunter told us. “I always knew that Batman had this strange…magnetic personality. Those two always had a bond between them. It was inevitable that those two uhm… mate.”
Nightwing, formerly Robin and leader of the Titans was not happy with the current situation and had this to say, “Bruce, HOW COULD YOU???!!!! First it was the Joker, then the Catwoman, Poisonivy, the Penguin, then that bitch that Ra’s Al Guhl had for a daughter, Barbara…uh, Oracle, Black Canary, Huntress, Cass…uh Batgirl, Harlequin, Zatanna, Wonderwoman, Circe and now THIS!!!! ARGHH!!!! We are SOOOOO over!!!” (Nightwing runs crying to Starfire)
Shayera Hol aka Hawkgirl said: “I’m so happy for Superman. You see, Bruce… I mean, Batman was the best I ever had, and I thank Diana for telling me all about his other talents. I mean, John doesn’t have it… uhm, you’re not gonna record this, are you?”
Flash meanwhile had this had to say. “Well, Batman didn’t exactly have a sane head, you what I mean. Being broody all the time, going against all those psychos in Gotham, doing nightly patrols with the rest of the Batclan. Can you imagine what goes on with the Bat, Robin, Batgirl and Catwoman on at night? Man, that’s a scary thought. What? It’s not like Supes and Bats are gonna come out of the Fortress of Solitude and the Batcave soon and kill me. I mean, they’d never do anything to kill sweet lil Flash. Will they?”
We hope so, Flash. For your sake.
DC Comics owns/has appropriate licenses and/or copyright © for these characters. I’m just simply borrowing them.
No profit is made from this news fiction, so please don’t sue me! My lawyers are all too busy making money from their other clients. They’re happy that way and I’m happy that way, too!
One Liners That I can’t get out of my Sick Mind…
February 23, 2006 on 12:46 pm | In Surfers Voice, Jokes, Quotes, Narratives | 1 CommentOne Liners That I can’t get out of my Sick Mind
1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
2. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
3. Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
4. Deja Moo. The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
5. Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they’re ok, you’re it.
6. Nothing in the universe travels faster than a bad check.
7. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
8. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
9. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
Top 10 Reasons Why Sleep is Better Than Sex
February 18, 2006 on 12:25 pm | In Surfers Voice, Jokes, Narratives | 1 CommentTop 10 Reasons Why Sleep is Better Than Sex
1. You don’t feel guilty about doing it alone.
2. No on will start rumors about how much you sleep.
3. You never have to complain in the morning about not getting any.
4. You don’t have to pay for it.
5. You don’t have to worry about falling asleep to fast
6. You can sleep 8 hours without being interrupted.
7. While sleeping, you can sleep with anyone you want.
8. You can sleep in church
9. The dog never complains.
10. Any position you wish to try is legal.
Another Funny News!!!!
February 16, 2006 on 12:23 pm | In Surfers Voice, Jokes, Narratives | 1 CommentOnline gamer murdered over cyber-sword sale
A Shanghai online gamer murdered a competitor by stabbing him to death because he had sold his friends cyber-sword.
41-year-old Qiu Chengwei, stabbed competitor Zhu Caoyuan repeatedly in the chest after he was told Zhu had sold his “dragon sabre”.
A “dragon sabre” is one of the assets you can win in the popular online game Legend of Mir 3. Legend of Mir 3 features heroes and villains, sorcerers and warriors, who often have huge swords to fight with.
Qiu and a friend jointly won their weapon last February. They lent it to Zhu, who in turn sold it for $1129, without telling his friends.
Qui reported Zhu to the police, but was told the virtual weapon was not real property protected by law.
The court was told: “Zhu promised to hand over the cash but an angry Qui lost patience and attacked Zhu at his home, stabbing him in the left chest with great force and killing him.”
This is not the first time a gamer seeks justice through the courts over stolen weapons and credits.
“The armour and swords in games should be deemed as private property as players have to spend money and time for them,” Wang Zongyu, an associate law professor at Beijing’s Renmin University of China said.
A Love story for the Love day!
February 14, 2006 on 1:01 pm | In Narratives | No CommentsA love so strong
When I was just 4 years old, I started school, along with other children I didn’t know. It was scary on the first day, but it got better as the days went by. There was a boy in my class who I straight away loved! I was only 4 years old and I had found the one i wanted to be with forever! I had kept my crush on him a secret, as I didn’t want him to find out. Dady after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, I had this one big crush on him! I don’t know why he was this attractive, whenever I looked into his eyes I saw love.
Then when I was about 10 years old, my friends started to fancy him. They told me about how much they loved him, but they didn’t know I had a crush on him since I was four, this crush was still a secret. Then at the end of Year 6 (the last year at primary school) it was time to decide what Secondary School we wanted to attend. Four schools had accepted me, and my crush was going to goto one of them. I begged and begged my mum to goto that school, and finally, I did. The frist day of Secondary School was also scaryer as the first day of Primary. I didn’t know anyone except for my crush, two of his mates, and only one of mine. I started to make friends quickly, and then me and my crush got put into two different classes! I couldn’t believe this! I weren’t in the same class as him! I guess it was a sign of moving on, because this relationship wasn’t getting us anywhere. I began to see less of him, and more boys started to take his place.
At first I thought I wasn’t doing the right thing by trying to forget him, but I knew it was for the best. I then started going out with them other boys, and hardely ever spoke to the boy I had loved since I was 4. Now I am still in that situation, when I hardely see him, and i’m fancying other boys. But whenever I walk passed him, look at him, think of him, I remember the times when I used to love him. He was my first love, and, although we are apart, we are together in my memory of 7 years of loving him, and we are together in my heart.
A Really Funny News
February 14, 2006 on 12:39 pm | In Surfers Voice, Jokes, Narratives | 1 CommentSex toy closes airport
A vibrating sex toy was mistaken for a bomb. The entire Mackay Airport in Queensland was closed down for nearly an hour because of it.
The alarm was raised by cafeteria manager Lynne Bryant, whose staff was cleaning the tables when they noticed a strange humming noise coming from a rubbish bin.
Lynne Bryant said: “It was rather disconcerning when the rubbish bin started humming furiously. We called security and the next minute everybody was being evacuated while they checked it out.”
The police spokeswoman said: “Another two flights were expected to land at that stage but alternate arrangements were made for the passengers to collect their luggage away from the terminal,” the spokeswoman said.
While the police was calling in bomb experts, a passenger came forwards to identify the contents of the package. The unidentified passenger forgot his bag after diner.