The Difference Between Fake Ass Friends and REAL Friends
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM (or just hide from them)
FAKE ASS FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL […]
Questions that have Confused humankind!!
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
Who was the first person to say “See that chicken there….I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.”
Why do toasters always have a setting […]
Totally Useless Info
1. Coca-cola was originally green.
2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever.
4. Dumbest dog: Afghan
5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles […]
One-liners worth passing on…
Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.
In two words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. SHIT HAPPENS!.
Accept than some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
The best vitamin for making friends: B1.
If you can’t be the tablecloth, don’t be the dishrag.
I don’t have an attitude […]
What Adults Eventually Learn About the Great Things in Life
Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.
There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
Reason to smile: Every seven minutes […]
What Children Learn Fast About the Great Things in Life
No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.
You can’t […]
A burglar is in big trouble
A burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!”
Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he […]
President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”
Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window […]
The Differences between Men and Women
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John […]
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few fries short of a happy meal.
A few beers short of a six pack.
A few peas short of a casserole.
The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.
One fruit loop shy of a full bowl.
One taco short of a combination plate.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
All foam, no […]